Hello!

This isn’t a “mom” blog. It isn’t a “religious” blog either. It’s not a “how-to” article, a “10 ways to know that..” or a recipe box. I’m not selling anything or judging anyone. This blog won’t win a teacher of the year award. It won’t solve all your dinner time problems. This blog is mostly for me. It is the outward expression of my inward monologue. Read More

Mom, I had a bad day

Recently a friend of mine asked, “What should I do when my child does something wrong?” She is a great momma with a young son with autism. He has had the diagnosis for two years, is receiving therapy weekly, and has a fabulous kindergarten teacher and support staff at school. So I think what she really wanted to know was, “How do I respond when my child, who is struggling to learn acceptable social behavior, misbehaves at school? And how do I handle the guilt of not being a perfect parent?”

It would be easy to pretend like I’ve got it all figured out. I’m a teacher and I’ve seen misbehavior in the classroom that stems from trauma, emotional issues, ADHD, autism, or a learning disability. Logically, I know misbehavior doesn’t mean “bad kid.” But at home, my story still sounds like my friend’s. I’m still asking questions. I still feel the doubt and insecurities of worrying if I’m doing the right thing. Yet, I’m battling these questions and doubts as I’m daily trying to be an advocate for my child.

Advocate:

a person who pleads for or in behalf of another; intercede

I am not an expert, just a mom. My family is not new to the diagnosis of autism. We have behavioral charts, visual schedules, modifications, and a team of loving caregivers to help teach my child how to behave in a way that is suitable to the classroom environment. But we still have bad days. So I get to practice this on a daily basis from a parent perspective. And practice makes perfect, right?

Imagine it’s one of those bad days. You get the dreaded note or phone call… your child hit/kicked/name called/refused to work. You might even be asked to come pick up your child if it’s been especially rough day. The long walk to the principal’s office. The shame of not being a perfect parent with a perfect child. You may feel judged… even when you are not.

Deep breath, momma. Don’t give a knee jerk response. Just breathe. And these are a few things you can try:

Ask questions

Ask to be told exactly what happened. Was the note home unclear? Send a follow up note or email asking what you would like clarified. Don’t jump to conclusions.

Personal example: My kid had a terrible Monday. It even started out bad at home too. When told he was having a meltdown at school, I immediately placed blame… on myself. That weekend has been unstructured. He spent the night with my in-laws so I could have a date night. I knew he was frustrated that morning. Basically, I guilt tripped myself without even asking what happened at school to set him off.

Whether you jump to place blame on yourself, the teacher or even your own kid:

Wait.

Ask questions.

Investigate further.

Walk it out.

Take a walk and ask your kiddo to talk about it. Why was it a bad day? What was the hardest part? How did you feel? How can we respond better next time?

Let’s be real here, if your child struggles with communication, this might be hard. So I ask questions then wait for a response. If there is none, I model my own self talk. “We don’t hit our friends, even when we are angry.”

So we just walk and talk.

I’m sure my coworkers have seen me walk my kiddo in the hallways asking deep questions. This is the same approach I take for my students as well. Conversations have value.

Sometimes we even wait until the next day before asking if it’s been an especially tough day.

Time In

At my house, we do Time In instead of time out. Like time out, you find a safe spot away from others to reflect on your actions. Unlike time out, this isn’t an independent activity. A parent or caregiver guides you through reflection and even a calming activity.

Example: My good friend’s son was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age. Even trips to the store were a struggle to maintain socially acceptable behavior. She would hold him close, calmly whisper in his ear that she loved him, spoke a bible verse, then restated the expected behavior.

This is by far my favorite way to handle misbehavior in public. My parents were a leave the store and you’re getting a spanking when we get to the car type, so this is new to me and I get frustrated more than I would care to admit. But there is NO one who can speak ill of you lovingly redirecting your child. It stops the behavior, calms them, and redirects. (Ideally, it works… epic sensory meltdowns can be way harder.)

This concept reinforces the concept of unconditional love I want to be felt in my child.

I’m sorry notes

Okay, this may seem lame but this has been really successful for us.

I understand hitting and kicking during a meltdown. It’s not okay, but I get it. However, any time my child has hit or kicked in either a meltdown or as purposeful response, it’s not okay. Hurting people even if we don’t mean to has to be addressed.

Example: We write I’m sorry notes. At first, I would write them and he would draw a picture. Then he was able to start writing his name. Now, he can write an entire sentence. The whole time we discuss expected behaviors, what we might do differently next time, etc.

And selfishly, my favorite part is that, the child, teacher, or person effected knows we are trying. Trying to do better, trying our best, trying even though we aren’t always successful. (Can you hear the echoes of my mom guilt?)

No double punishments

When my nephew gets in trouble at school, he gets grounded at home. While this is an excellent concept for a typical kid who only struggles occasionally, this sucks for us. We believe in no double punishments. We will talk it out, address the issue, write I’m sorry notes but I’m just not doing double punishment. My home life would deteriorate and my child would be scared to talk about his day.

Ask for help

Admit when you don’t have the answers and ask for help. To do this best, you also need to monitor and document behaviors.

Monitor and document: keep a log of behaviors. (Our school has a daily behavior chart that is sent home and I keep them all in a binder)

Ask for input. Give the list to a heath care provider or therapist.

Maybe an extra sensory break is needed. Maybe it was just a crappy week? Maybe Mondays are just hard after a weekend and we should just change our expectations for that day or add extra support?

After you have asked the questions, monitored and documented behavior, together you can adjust how you do things if needed.

Seek Encouragement

I know I am not suppose to let my child’s bad days get to me… but they do. Sometimes, I take it personally: I blame myself, doubt, second guess my judgement or just feel like a “bad” parent.

There really is only one thing that helps this: encouragement from others. I text my friend about my son’s lousy week. I expressed how tired I was, and the doubt I was feeling. She quickly rebuked it. She called me out. She told me I was an excellent mom and that doubt creeping in… it wasn’t from God. We all need friends like that.

Another mom, older whose children are grown, overheard my conversation at a women’s conference. She told me about her two children: one perfectly well behaved and mannered the other was in the principal’s office on a weekly basis. This other momma, beautiful, strong and seasoned, had experienced similar struggles and doubt. You know what she told me: it will be okay. She now has two grown law abiding children that love her.

I hope you too can find encouragement. Perhaps, maybe by reading this right now.

Celebrate the good

Even after a crappy day or week; Especially after a crappy week; celebrate the good.

Make time for a date night with your spouse. Have a movie night snuggled under the covers with the whole family. Say I love you to the moon and back. It’s not a reward for bad behavior, it’s a reminder of our unconditional love: we won’t let the bad days define our children … or us.

We aren’t there… yet.

This is hard for me. Sometimes I want everything fixed right now. Sometimes, I want that A honor roll, well mannered, perfect kid. (PS that kid doesn’t really exist… and if he did he would be boring and not near as funny as the kid I actually have.)

We are in a “still figuring it out” season. Our therapist even told us, she was happy he was getting into “trouble” more. It was because he was attempting to be more social but not being successful …yet.

There is power in… yet.

Dear Momma,

Though you doubt and are filled with insecurities: You are enough.

Though you don’t have all the answers, you can be an advocate for your child.

Though you fall and stumble, you can get back up.

Your child’s successes nor failures do not define you as a parent.

You are tired and worn out; take time to fill yourself back up. Read. Rest. Regroup.

Most of all, give yourself a little grace.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Welcome to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and Mommy Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo — from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia!

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2019: Let’s do this!

I like watching zombie movies and other dystopian fiction. I always try to figure out how long I would make it in the same senecio. I mean, I figure I would make it past the first wave of attacks. But as soon as I got hurt, the temperature got too cold, I had to sleep outside or go without a snack for more than 5 minutes… I would be done. I would die of a cold or something lame.

I’ve never thought of myself as physically tough. I wanted my word for the year to be strength. I want strength! Because the going has been tough in some places.

Like in the last couple of months. Back to school time, as both a teacher and a mom, was arduous for sure. Then, challenging behaviors, setting routines, teaching social skills to my 6 year old with Autism… yeah that’s been kinda hard. Well, not terrible, but just hard enough to disappoint me and interfere with my plans. One crappy school drop off, then I’m late for work. Again. And my two year old developed asthma. In general, I’ve been pooped on, thrown up on, coughed on and had plenty of minor mommy type setbacks to my daily routine.

However, I’ve got a bunch of wonderful parts of my life. Actually, it’s all beautiful. It’s just been a rollercoaster ride. Success and then regression. And I keep waiting for it to get easier. But seriously, I’m not sure it is supposed to be easy? Who said life was intended to be all ups and no downs?

But that’s what you say to new moms isn’t it? “Don’t worry. It gets easier.” And while you grow as a parent and gain experience, I would challenge that and say, it doesn’t get easier. Once you master one challenge, you get a new one to figure out. And then another.

Conflict and challenges. Isn’t that what makes a great story? The main character overcoming obstacles along their journey. Epic tales are filled with conflict and adventure.

Maybe life is just hard sometimes? No reason; It just is. And maybe it allows me to write an interesting story. I really need to quit comparing because…

“It’s rough all over Pony Boy.” -SE Hinton The Outsiders

It really is. Everyone has their own battles. But sometimes I fail to see past my own story, or I compare my situation to others far to often and create my own disappointments.

This year, I had a friend whose son suddenly started having seizures. Test after test and months of investigation, And then he had to have brain surgery. Her ten year old son had brain surgery! It was scary! (Now, he is doing amazingly! He is all good, and this NYE they celebrated life, goodness and the abundance they have been given. Yay!)

I’m just saying “NO” to easy this year. I’m not even hoping for easy, but I do want to persevere. I want to persevere in the tough times but also in the mundane, day to day, ordinary life challenges.

Persevere: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I think I’ve said, “I’m done.” Like a hundred times this last month. But I can’t be done. I may need strength, but really I just need to keep going. I gotta persevere!

Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.” -Tolkien The Hobbit

I can’t control the ups and downs of life, but I can control how I react.

I want to write my own beautiful story.

I want to listen to the stories of others.

I want to see the beauty and abundance in the hard pathways.

“You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.”

Psalms 65:11 NLT

My simple goal: Read, Pray, Persevere and Guide

Read stories of those who have been there before.

Pray not from relief of daily challenges, but for the strength of spirit in difficult situations.

Persevere and refrain from saying “I’m done.” Go forward!

Guide Others when I am able too. Because we are in this crazy life together and sometimes I’ve got something someone else needs to hear.

2019: Let’s persevere! Then, maybe even I, can survive the zombie apocalypse.

My January Reading List:

Finish Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis (I have like 5 chapters left)

The Lucky Few by Heather Avis

The Best Yes by Luda Terkurst

The Balls I Let Drop

Can I tell you a secret… I’ve been dying to post pictures of my Christmas decorations on Instagram. Seriously, I can’t wait for people who haven’t ever stepped foot in my house to tell me how beautiful my Christmas tree is. How self absorbed does that sound?

But I haven’t because I’ve had to let some balls drop the over the last two weeks.

Week before last my kid and husband got sick. Then I did too.

And because when it rains it pours, it was also a busy week at work. And let’s not even mention the behavior regression that led me to have talk to my child’s school principal and behavioral specialist not once… but three times in two weeks. And not to place blame, but once my husband recovered, he had to get caught back up at work. I felt like I didn’t see him for three days.

All this from a cold. A tiny evil virus that morphed into an infection. Blah!

I also had several friends get sick. ‘‘Tis the season, right? One was a new mom of a four month old trying to “balance” work and a sick baby. And then of course a sick self. What is it about families sharing germs?

We text back and forth and she asked me to pray for her. She was wearing too many hats and felt like she she was failing at everything. She just couldn’t find balance.

Truth 1: We women a great multitaskers, so we often think we can do it all. But we can’t. Let’s just admit that right now. At least not every day and all the time. If you are juggling to much to are bound to drop something eventually. Times of sickness, even a minor cold, can wreak havoc on that balance we have think we have.

Truth 2: finding balance between work, home life, friends is NOT a one time thing. It’s a constant battle. An every day effort. And some days are more balanced than others.

So, how do we cope? How do we navigate life when we want to be awesome at everything all the time but just can’t be?

1. I get by with a little help from friends. Feel free to burst into song

Truthfully, it’s a group effort.

I have co-workers who cover for me. Set up lesson plans for me and tidy my desk on days when I give up and finally take a sick day.

I have a group of friends I text for prayer. Those who I admit to on days when I can’t even.

My husband is my best friend. But when our ship goes down, we typically go down together. Why can’t I be sick and just be me so I can be taken care of?

I’ve also cultivated a very small group of mommas. The kind that give me a fist bump and say, “Solidarity, sister.” When I need someone to vent to because my kid kicked a teacher and now I feel like a terrible mom.

And other friends who simply text me when it’s a jeans day at work. Because nothing helps you get through the day like comfy jeans.

Another friend offered to pick up medicine and dinner for me. I declined, because it was a cold… not the flu or some other plague. But that offer was real and full of kindness.

Tip: if you are in a good place at the moment. Be that kind friend! They are the best!

2. Choose the balls you want to let drop. I’m being real here. If you have too much on your plate, pick what can wait. I’d rather do that, otherwise something will get dropped and it might be something more valuable.

Last week, I let the dishes drop. Yep, the dishes sat in the sink for, gasp, a week and nobody died.

Last week, I left the clean laundry in baskets and piles on the couch.

Last week, I admitted to my work team I was drowning in my own stuff. I asked permission to delay something I always did for them. They let me. They still like me. I hope!

Last week, I told my principal and head of curriculum I was “under the weather” but I would get them those dates they needed next week. I did get them what they needed, but I did it when I was more focused.

Last week, I didn’t help my son study for a spelling test nor did we decorate our school/family gingerbread man project. I focused on his behavior expectations instead. We prayed together, snuggled and talked. That, my friend, has value. He did get his gingerbread man turned in… two days late.

Last week, I set aside my grading and got caught up on my rest. I took a sick day and binge watched a new show and slept. They students all survived a day without me.

Last week, we ate take out and mix matched random stuff from the fridge. But no one went hungry.

If I did this forever, it wouldn’t work. But it was just a week. And the hardest part was setting aside my pride.

This week, I’m rested. I’m mostly caught up on grading after three nights of staying up late. I feel physically and mentally in a better place. I’ll work towards maintaining some appearance of balance and eventually get it together. I might even see my husband this weekend.

I plan on cleaning my house this and posting my my Christmas decoration pictures. But I’ll add an asterisk: last week, I let the balls drop.

Sister, what balls can you let drop this week? What hats do you feel comfortable not wearing for a bit so you can feel more balanced? Can you give yourself permission to not be picture perfect?

Dear Church, I Don’t Need Your Special Needs Ministry

As a church volunteer over the years, I’ve seen the trends: youth ministry, singles ministry, recreation ministry, and most recently special needs ministry.

It sounds awesome, right? Let’s make our churches more inclusive. Let’s be more sensory friendly. Let’s educate our staff on developmental issues. All of these are great things and worthy of discussion in our churches.

But there I was as a “special needs” parent waiting.

Waiting for the church to change.

Waiting for my visit to a new church to be easy.

Waiting for MY needs to be met.

Just waiting for it not to be so hard.

We attend church on a semi regular basis. (I say semi regular because I chicken out on many days when staying home and resting is just easier. I love Jesus and his people, but… let’s be real here. )

We bring noise blocking headphones for worship, the same ones my son uses at school.

We go to a contemporary service, so a dark room, bright lights and loud music mean we sit near the back.

The Sunday school teachers are informed: there is a label on his name tag that says “Autistic. Prone to seizures.”

For the first time my son was able to attend VBS. It wasn’t easy. I volunteered so I could be close by and help with bathroom breaks. At one point, I broke out in a dead cold sweat from the anxiety. (Bathrooming a sensory kid in public is a challenge)

I skip church on days I know the schedule will be wonky or there won’t be childcare. (Many churches think kids over 4 should join their parents in corporate worship. Great in theory… but… not for my family.)

I leave as soon as the service dismisses or I sneak out the side to avoid the the large crowd gathered to fellowship. Even though my deepest desire is to join in the conversation, my kid pulls me to the car.

When will going to church not be so much work?” I wonder?

I’m caught in the tension between wanting the world to change to make my life easier, and pushing myself and my son to be self sufficient in a world that will never be easy.

I talked to our children’s minister before we started attending our current church. I’ve even been asked to be on a discussion group for special needs ministry by a dear friend who is a children’s minister at another local church.

What do you need,” they always ask?

A buddy for your son? A sensory box? Do you want to talk to the Sunday school teacher?

I don’t need programs. But well trained volunteers/buddies are awesome!

I don’t need a sensory friendly VBS track. Though they sound so cool!

I don’t need a special class. But dude, a support group would be amazing!

I don’t need sensory play boxes. My kid climbs me, rocks in my lap, and touches my hair. If you would like to volunteer to sit with my kid every once in awhile so I could focus, I would gladly accept.

What I do need:

I need relationships. I need a buddy, sometimes more than he does. I need someone to notice me and really ask me how it’s going and how they can help. I need someone to instead of saying, “Looks like you have your hands full.” To offer to walk with me and my kids to the car. I think if we trained our church staff and volunteers to invest in others, really go deep, we wouldn’t need programs. They would see the need and meet it. And special needs family are so unique, so diverse: each one has different needs. You would need to know each family individually.

I need trust. I need to trust the church so that I can be vulnerable enough to even ask for help or accept it when it is offered. Sometimes I still struggle telling people my son has special needs. He looks so typical on the outside to the untrained eye. This kind of trust only happens when we build relationships. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to purposely build relationships with those families in your church you know have struggles.

I need to serve. As counter intuitive as it sounds, it follows Christ’s example. But, I don’t need to serve my own child. I fell into this trap before. I was in the baby room because my child was. Then, I moved to the toddler room. Next, preschool. Babies are cute but make me anxious. My giftedness are preschoolers and middle schoolers. Crazy… but true. And now I’m leaning into women’s ministry. I need church to be my respite care. Where I can serve and grow in areas of my own God given giftedness.

I need to be understood. Maybe this falls under relationship, but it’s also unique. I have several friends, but I only have two or three I call or text when my kid does something unique to his situation that breaks my heart or wears me down. They never compare, or say it’s not that bad, They just say, I’m here for you. Understanding and empathy is hard. This is were training your staff, volunteers, heck the whole congregation, on Autism, ADHD, child development and similar needs would be extremely helpful. You know that kid bouncing the entire church service? He heard everything. He just processes information differently and this big loud room was a lot to take in. And you know how that kid seemed to be okay? After the big event, he kicked, screamed, and had a complete meltdown on the way home. He was overwhelmed and held it in as long as he could.

I need open and frequent conversations. I need to be checked up on. How did VBS go? How did Sunday school go? What was the hardest part? The best part?

I’m not waiting for the church to meet my needs. I’m showing up, even when it’s hard.

But sometimes the hardest things, those are the most beautiful.

At one point at VBS this summer, we attended the group worship and music session. I looked around and felt the tangible Spirit of God and his grace. It hung thick. The children and volunteers made a large circle, 200 plus, around the sanctuary. Most standing and holding hands. Shy of two boys in my group who wouldn’t hold hands, but danced beside me. Then, Two little girls who seemed too shy to join the group but sat joyfully signing. A boy with Downs Syndrome and his mom sat in the center. And my son, in the lap of his “buddy,” his headphones on, rocking to the beat. All of these singing or worshipping in their own way. That’s true inclusion. Not everyone doing the same thing in the same way. But everyone included, joined for the same purpose, each in their own way, bringing with them their own giftedness. No one even saw the tears in my eyes.

That day was beautiful, but many are still rather hard.

Dear Church, I don’t need your special needs ministry, but I really want the relationship.

I wrote this openly to the Christian church, and not an individual church. I feel if the Church embraces relationships over programs there will not be a need for “special needs” ministry. In fact, the needs of an entire congregation will be met together: the single mom, the widow, the big family, the college single and more. All the sensory boxes in your foyer won’t get me to stay if I don’t have a relationship with the people of the church.

As resources for special needs and general encouragement, I follow:

https://www.keyministry.org/

Key Ministry promotes meaningful connection between churches and families of kids with disabilities for the purpose of making disciples of Jesus Christ. Their blog posts are encouraging for both church leaders and special needs families.

@sandrapeoples

A special needs family encourager and author. Church leader and mom of two cool boys, one with Autism.

@theluckyfewofficial

Author and public figure: Down syndrome and adoption are her jam. The pictures of her kids will brighten anyone’s day.

@lifewithgraysonandparker & www.lifewithgrayson.com

Mom of two amazing boys with Autism. Seeks to find beauty in everyday life. Advocate for inclusion.

Welcome to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and Mommy Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo — from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month’s Voices of Special Needs Hop? Click here!

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Living Letters

I don’t remember exactly who said it, but growing up I was told, “You might be the only Bible someone ever reads.” The idea was that your actions, your testimony when you claim to be a follower of Christ might be the only representation of Christ someone ever hears. They may never actually pick up the Bible and read it, but they see how you live your life.

That made sense to me. It’s the culture we live in: relationship and authenticity are paramount.

As I was doing my summer Bible study through She Reads Truth: Corinthians, I stumbled apon a verse I had either never read or never read well enough to remember it.

“Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, as some do, letters of recommendation to you, or from you? You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all. And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:1-3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I don’t know if it’s because I teach English and enjoy writing, but this verse felt tangible.

You are Christ’s letter, delivered.

Not written with ink but with the Spirit of the living God –

Not on tablets of stone but on tablets of the human heart.

The contrast between the cold hard stone and the life giving, warmth of the human heart reminded me of similar contrast between the cold, ridged, old law of Moses and the warmth of forgiveness and redemption that Jesus brought.

Then, I went back to the first part:

You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.

She Reads Truth referenced this as being similar to our use of a letter of recommendation. Something that was used during this time period when going to a new town, or new church. While Paul is talking about the Church at Corinth, my thoughts were drawn to my own reflection.

Am I accurately reflecting Christ in my daily life? Do I daily radiate the warmth of redemption? Does my digital life flow from the Spirit of the living God or the spirit of materialism, consumerism and division? If someone who never read the Bible saw me, would they even think Christ was worth following? What recommendation do I give to Christ and His Church? Am I living by the letter of the law which brings death or through the Spirit that gives life?

“Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:4-6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

But our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant,

Not of the letter but of the Spirit…

The Spirit gives life.

“I have come so they can have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way.”

‭‭John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NIRV‬‬

Were you inspired by this verse? Have you ever thought of Bible journaling? Join my friend, Michelle, from Straw-Bearie Designs as she adds a beautiful design to her Bible. Watch her YouTube video as she gives you step by step instructions of her journaling technique.

My Other Mommas

My mom wasn’t “the best.” In fact, she was very flawed. My mom was beautiful. She loved Jesus and was a prayer warrior. She inspired me to be a reader, writer, and artist. She laughed at parties and played dress up with me. She always had her camera ready to snap my picture. She loved me. However, she also had a chronic illness and suffered on and off with depression. Life wasn’t perfect. Prayerfully, I had lots of “Other Mommas” step in when my mom couldn’t be what I needed her to be.

In elementary, I thought my momma was the best. And at that time, she was exactly what I needed. But at one point, I remember staying at my Sunday school teacher’s house a lot, eating cookies and being loved on while my mom had doctor appointments.

In middle school, I had my youth minister. She was calm and patient in my life’s stormy night.

In high school, I had my best friend’s mom. Besides having the best stocked pantry, her home was my safe haven and my getaway spot. I always knew I was welcome, and my mom trusted her to keep me safe.

Then I had my transition mom‐the mom that inspired me to pursue college when my family was completely broke and college felt like a dream intended for others. This mom saw the potential in me. She saw what I didn’t.

In community college, I had my hippie mom. She was part of my church, gave me an affordable place to live, taught me a different way to cook, and always invited me to her table for dinner. She even gently scolded me when I came home way too late.

After I got married, I had my mother-in-law. In a culture that says I’m not supposed to get along with her, we struggled at first to find our groove. But whenever we needed anything, she showed up, and I now can’t think of a life without her.

A few years later, my mom left this world and went to meet Jesus. But, regardless of our age, I don’t think we ever stop needing a mom.

Lately, I’ve had a Bible study mom. The mom who inspired me to pick up my Bible more and worry less. She showed me what faithfulness looks like. She gave me the “mom” advice I so desperately needed.

To all my moms, thank you! With society saying that we should do it all on our own, they came alongside my mom to nurture me.

Ladies, there isgood news and bad news. The bad news is you cannot be “THE BEST” mom. You are human and flawed. You can be good, great even, but you can’t meet every need of your child in every season of life. Our culture shouts for perfection and independence. When we compare, we fall short. In contrast, Jesus calls for our humbleness, compassion and selfless love for others.

The good news is we are not alone. I don’t think we were ever intended to be. We are a tribe‐ sisters in Christ. Ruth had Naomi. Mary, the mother of Jesus, had her cousin Elizabeth. At the time of her son’s crucifixion, Mary was surrounded by three other women. Timothy’s mom Eunice had her mom Lois, and together they raised up Timothy.

We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:5-6‬ ‭(NLT‬‬)

The Bible doesn’t say we need to be able to do ALL things well, only what we are gifted. But since we belong to each other, together we can truly raise up and disciple our children.

Be the Sunday school mom: teach Bible verses, wear a big smile, give warm hugs, and rock fussy babies for that tired new momma.

Be the Youth momma: be a good listener, open your home, give loving advice, be a safe environment for those angsty teens.

Be the Inspiring mom: when the world says they can’t; you say, “I believe in you!”

Be the Hospitality mom: wash the dishes, open your home and your table, bring the covered dish to the momma and family who needs it.

Be the I’m There For You mom: babysit, offer to help out, just show up when needed.

Be the Bible study mom: pray, send bible verses, share words of faith, encourage those struggling mommas.

It’s also okay to be the I Can’t Even Right Now mom: be transparent, be honest, let other mommas come along side you.

Your motherhood isn’t reserved only for your own children, nor do you have to be every mom in every season. Sisters, be who God gifted you to be.

Dedicated to Milly, Olive, Pat, Lana, Diane, Terijo, Lisa, and Marsha.