Radioactive Elephant

Not just another “mom” blog.

The Balls I Let Drop

Can I tell you a secret… I’ve been dying to post pictures of my Christmas decorations on Instagram. Seriously, I can’t wait for people who haven’t ever stepped foot in my house to tell me how beautiful my Christmas tree is. How self absorbed does that sound?

But I haven’t because I’ve had to let some balls drop the over the last two weeks.

Week before last my kid and husband got sick. Then I did too.

And because when it rains it pours, it was also a busy week at work. And let’s not even mention the behavior regression that led me to have talk to my child’s school principal and behavioral specialist not once… but three times in two weeks. And not to place blame, but once my husband recovered, he had to get caught back up at work. I felt like I didn’t see him for three days.

All this from a cold. A tiny evil virus that morphed into an infection. Blah!

I also had several friends get sick. ‘‘Tis the season, right? One was a new mom of a four month old trying to “balance” work and a sick baby. And then of course a sick self. What is it about families sharing germs?

We text back and forth and she asked me to pray for her. She was wearing too many hats and felt like she she was failing at everything. She just couldn’t find balance.

Truth 1: We women a great multitaskers, so we often think we can do it all. But we can’t. Let’s just admit that right now. At least not every day and all the time. If you are juggling to much to are bound to drop something eventually. Times of sickness, even a minor cold, can wreak havoc on that balance we have think we have.

Truth 2: finding balance between work, home life, friends is NOT a one time thing. It’s a constant battle. An every day effort. And some days are more balanced than others.

So, how do we cope? How do we navigate life when we want to be awesome at everything all the time but just can’t be?

1. I get by with a little help from friends. Feel free to burst into song

Truthfully, it’s a group effort.

I have co-workers who cover for me. Set up lesson plans for me and tidy my desk on days when I give up and finally take a sick day.

I have a group of friends I text for prayer. Those who I admit to on days when I can’t even.

My husband is my best friend. But when our ship goes down, we typically go down together. Why can’t I be sick and just be me so I can be taken care of?

I’ve also cultivated a very small group of mommas. The kind that give me a fist bump and say, “Solidarity, sister.” When I need someone to vent to because my kid kicked a teacher and now I feel like a terrible mom.

And other friends who simply text me when it’s a jeans day at work. Because nothing helps you get through the day like comfy jeans.

Another friend offered to pick up medicine and dinner for me. I declined, because it was a cold… not the flu or some other plague. But that offer was real and full of kindness.

Tip: if you are in a good place at the moment. Be that kind friend! They are the best!

2. Choose the balls you want to let drop. I’m being real here. If you have too much on your plate, pick what can wait. I’d rather do that, otherwise something will get dropped and it might be something more valuable.

Last week, I let the dishes drop. Yep, the dishes sat in the sink for, gasp, a week and nobody died.

Last week, I left the clean laundry in baskets and piles on the couch.

Last week, I admitted to my work team I was drowning in my own stuff. I asked permission to delay something I always did for them. They let me. They still like me. I hope!

Last week, I told my principal and head of curriculum I was “under the weather” but I would get them those dates they needed next week. I did get them what they needed, but I did it when I was more focused.

Last week, I didn’t help my son study for a spelling test nor did we decorate our school/family gingerbread man project. I focused on his behavior expectations instead. We prayed together, snuggled and talked. That, my friend, has value. He did get his gingerbread man turned in… two days late.

Last week, I set aside my grading and got caught up on my rest. I took a sick day and binge watched a new show and slept. They students all survived a day without me.

Last week, we ate take out and mix matched random stuff from the fridge. But no one went hungry.

If I did this forever, it wouldn’t work. But it was just a week. And the hardest part was setting aside my pride.

This week, I’m rested. I’m mostly caught up on grading after three nights of staying up late. I feel physically and mentally in a better place. I’ll work towards maintaining some appearance of balance and eventually get it together. I might even see my husband this weekend.

I plan on cleaning my house this and posting my my Christmas decoration pictures. But I’ll add an asterisk: last week, I let the balls drop.

Sister, what balls can you let drop this week? What hats do you feel comfortable not wearing for a bit so you can feel more balanced? Can you give yourself permission to not be picture perfect?

My Other Mommas

My mom wasn’t “the best.” In fact, she was very flawed. My mom was beautiful. She loved Jesus and was a prayer warrior. She inspired me to be a reader, writer, and artist. She laughed at parties and played dress up with me. She always had her camera ready to snap my picture. She loved me. However, she also had a chronic illness and suffered on and off with depression. Life wasn’t perfect. Prayerfully, I had lots of “Other Mommas” step in when my mom couldn’t be what I needed her to be.

In elementary, I thought my momma was the best. And at that time, she was exactly what I needed. But at one point, I remember staying at my Sunday school teacher’s house a lot, eating cookies and being loved on while my mom had doctor appointments.

In middle school, I had my youth minister. She was calm and patient in my life’s stormy night.

In high school, I had my best friend’s mom. Besides having the best stocked pantry, her home was my safe haven and my getaway spot. I always knew I was welcome, and my mom trusted her to keep me safe.

Then I had my transition mom‐the mom that inspired me to pursue college when my family was completely broke and college felt like a dream intended for others. This mom saw the potential in me. She saw what I didn’t.

In community college, I had my hippie mom. She was part of my church, gave me an affordable place to live, taught me a different way to cook, and always invited me to her table for dinner. She even gently scolded me when I came home way too late.

After I got married, I had my mother-in-law. In a culture that says I’m not supposed to get along with her, we struggled at first to find our groove. But whenever we needed anything, she showed up, and I now can’t think of a life without her.

A few years later, my mom left this world and went to meet Jesus. But, regardless of our age, I don’t think we ever stop needing a mom.

Lately, I’ve had a Bible study mom. The mom who inspired me to pick up my Bible more and worry less. She showed me what faithfulness looks like. She gave me the “mom” advice I so desperately needed.

To all my moms, thank you! With society saying that we should do it all on our own, they came alongside my mom to nurture me.

Ladies, there isgood news and bad news. The bad news is you cannot be “THE BEST” mom. You are human and flawed. You can be good, great even, but you can’t meet every need of your child in every season of life. Our culture shouts for perfection and independence. When we compare, we fall short. In contrast, Jesus calls for our humbleness, compassion and selfless love for others.

The good news is we are not alone. I don’t think we were ever intended to be. We are a tribe‐ sisters in Christ. Ruth had Naomi. Mary, the mother of Jesus, had her cousin Elizabeth. At the time of her son’s crucifixion, Mary was surrounded by three other women. Timothy’s mom Eunice had her mom Lois, and together they raised up Timothy.

We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:5-6‬ ‭(NLT‬‬)

The Bible doesn’t say we need to be able to do ALL things well, only what we are gifted. But since we belong to each other, together we can truly raise up and disciple our children.

Be the Sunday school mom: teach Bible verses, wear a big smile, give warm hugs, and rock fussy babies for that tired new momma.

Be the Youth momma: be a good listener, open your home, give loving advice, be a safe environment for those angsty teens.

Be the Inspiring mom: when the world says they can’t; you say, “I believe in you!”

Be the Hospitality mom: wash the dishes, open your home and your table, bring the covered dish to the momma and family who needs it.

Be the I’m There For You mom: babysit, offer to help out, just show up when needed.

Be the Bible study mom: pray, send bible verses, share words of faith, encourage those struggling mommas.

It’s also okay to be the I Can’t Even Right Now mom: be transparent, be honest, let other mommas come along side you.

Your motherhood isn’t reserved only for your own children, nor do you have to be every mom in every season. Sisters, be who God gifted you to be.

Dedicated to Milly, Olive, Pat, Lana, Diane, Terijo, Lisa, and Marsha.

Learning to Walk

Two weeks ago, on our “snow day”, Em took her first independent steps. Now, she is walking everywhere!

Watching her learn to walk was the most beautiful thing. Watching her slowly let go of her fear, and the cabinet she was holding on to to steady herself, and taking her first few steps. Then, once she realized she could do it… she did it again and again. She laughed; we clapped and cheered.

There is so much joy in learning new things. Going from frustration and tears, to laughter and handclaps. To go from saying “I can’t” and “This is too hard.” To repeating your new learned skill over and over.

As an adult, I get stuck in the “I can’t even” phase too often. However, the hardest seasons in life, often bring so much growth. But if we can remember that image of sheer joy that can follow, that “look at me” type joy, perhaps we can press on. Perhaps the hard part will strengthen us, help us grow, and leave us dancing with joy.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

James 1:2-4 NLT

What are you or your family working toward? Are you still in the hard part? What fear are you holding on to? Are you ready to let go? Or are you on the other side and ready to be greeted by a cheering section?

2018: Present and Thriving

I’m one of those nerdy people who pick a word for the year. It really does help me focus.

This year, I want to Thrive.

Thrive : to grow or develop vigorously; flourish: -dictionary.com

Honestly, I’m tired of living in survival mode. Last year we seemed to go from one minor crisis to another: tummy bugs, flu, seizures, work deadlines, ear infections, fevers and more seizures, RSV, pneumonia, family members surgeries, maternity leave budget fiasco, and other things.

“God hasn’t invited us into a disorderly, unkempt life but into something holy and beautiful—as beautiful on the inside as the outside.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:7 MSG

I felt like I was the one always asking for help, and not able to give it. And maybe that’s just the season I’m in, but it hasn’t made me happy.

I asked a friend what my WORD should be. She said… Present. She knows me. She knows the struggle. And while I may want a year to thrive, a year with big lofty goals, just being present would be the best place to start.

Present in my children’s lives.

Present in my friends lives.

Present for my family.

Fully present… phone down, mind focused on the here and now, releasing anxiety, not worried about the future, living in the moment, and savoring the good.

Present at work.

Present at home.

Present over perfect.

“This is actually my life, and it doesn’t matter a bit bit if it would be lovely for someone else to live. What does matter: does it feel congruent with how God made me and called me?” -Shauna Niequist in Present over Perfect

I want to flourish in this season of little ones, work hard both at home and work, and find balance in between.

When I work toward being present, it will make it easier to thrive.

What word or words do you need spoken into your life this year?

How do these two words translate into actual goals?

  • Clean after the kids go to bed or before they wake up. (At least during the week)
  • Set aside 15 minutes for myself in the morning. (Which means waking up a bit earlier.)
  • Plan weekly date nights with my husband. (Even if it’s staying up late after the kids go to bed.)
  • Reserve social media for set times. Not to check it all day. (Last year I turned off push notifications… best idea ever)
  • Do things that restore my soul: read, write, rest.

I️ want balance: Navigating between Pinterest perfect and not enough.

Over Thanksgiving, I️ had family really push to doing thing “easy” this year. I️ had a problem with that.

To me, “easy” is for Monday nights. These nights I️ teach afternoon art class after a full day of teaching 6th graders English. Monday’s are pizza nights and paper plates. Monday’s deserve easy.

The flip side here is perfection. You know, Pinterest mom perfection. Picture perfect in every way and in every action. This is often  unattainable and makes us feel guilty, crazy and stressed. I get that.

However, what I️ see is the over reaction to this.

“If I️ can’t be perfect, I’ll just eat chips on the couch.”

“Let’s just make the holiday easy.”

“Let’s just stay home and rest.”

Nope. I’m not having it.

Holidays are holy days. They are set apart from our normal routine. They should bring joy and happiness. However, they should  be purposeful, and they need balance.

The Christmas season has started. As a follower of Christ, the season of his birth has special meaning to me. My celebration should reflect that.

(Side note: How often do so many American Christians complain about Jesus not being in “secular” Christmas or on a particular coffee cup, yet forget to put him in our own daily lives? Isn’t that irony? )

So how do you find balance, discover meaning and purpose, and cultivate joy this holiday season? Here are my thoughts.

  • Make a plan. At least for me, I️ get overwhelmed with trying to do too much at the last minute. So this year, I’m being purposeful with my planning. I’m trying a 25 days of Christmas by The Overwhelmed Mom. I’m already adjusting it to fit my life. Did I️ mention Monday’s? We aren’t doing much on Monday’s! I’m taking the calendar and placing all my “I️ really want us to…” on the list. I️ say plan, but don’t control. Be flexible. If things don’t go exactly as planned, don’t flip out. (I️ may be speaking directly to myself here) The plan isn’t so everything goes perfectly. The plan is there so I️ don’t miss out on opportunities due to my own busyness and distractions.
  • Have a purpose. Santa and Elf on a Shelf are nice, but for me they don’t have much of a purpose for me. I’m putting my focus on this that help us grow as a family and in faith this season. This year I’m doing a paper chain countdown to Christmas and an advent coloring book for my son. I’ve planned a Bible reading for each Sunday afternoon. And I’m completing my own advent study.Make traditions. (Ones that don’t involve consumerism.) This is big for me. Growing up we had a couple tough years where by parents were broke. They felt like failures when we didn’t get a “big” Christmas overflowing with gifts. But do you know what I️ remember most about Christmas growing up? Laying by the Christmas tree looking at the lights with my sister. I️ remember singing “Happy Birthday to Jesus” and eating cake. (or brownies… Jesus loves chocolate as he should!) I️ really don’t remember but a few gifts. Recently, we have started making Gingerbread pancakes on Christmas morning. Even last year, when my maternity leave paycheck was tight, we could make pancakes. My son still talks about them.
  • Focus on the experience. Go to a parade, look at Christmas lights, sing songs, and have game nights. My MIL did a fun thing Christmas Eve where we tried that Saran Wrap game. Everyone was involved, young and old.  It was a hoot! Over Thanksgiving, my son and I️ baked pies together. He doesn’t even eat pie. The experience of doing the baking together was better than the final product. Last year, we made handmade ornaments with popsicle sticks. For the experience to be memorable, you can’t choose focus on the mess: dirt, flour, or glitter that gets on the floor. You have to focus on the people involved.
  • Give gifts that matter. This seems like a no brainer. We are geared toward giving in this season. We spend hours stressing, planning and preparing gifts. Giving is awesome, and I️ love a meaningful gift, but do we forget to give the important things? Give your best smile. Give your best self. Give your best attitude. Give your full attention.(Put your phone down)Be Present over Perfect. (If you haven’t read this book… you should)
  •  Count your blessings but don’t compare. Stress is real, but we often create it ourselves. Shake off your own preconceived notions and expectations of the season. Savor what you have. Over Thanksgiving, I️ literally made a list of my blessings. The page couldn’t hold it all. My life doesn’t look like yours. We can’t compare our circumstances. But we BOTH can count the blessings we have.

Last year, I️ had a new preemie baby. I️ was richly blessed, but my holiday season looked far different than years past. I️ did small things, but mostly I️ held a baby. For that season, that had to be enough. If I️ would have compared, and I️ did at times, I️ would have fallen short. Maybe you are in that type of season yourself. Maybe you just can’t do everything you want. It’s okay. IT’S OKAY! Maybe for you, just do one meaningful thing, and quit stressing about what you can’t do this year. Put your effort and love in one spot instead of stretching yourself too thin.

This Christmas, I️ have a plan, but I’m flexible to change and adjust. My goal is to be purposeful and make traditions. I️ want to focus on the experience and be fully present. And most of all, I️ want to avoid comparison and see the blessings of my daily life.

And may joy come to you…

I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! – John 15:11

 

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Back to School Pictures

 

I love traditions. I especially love traditions that don’t require any consumerism, cost or extra budget.

Many people take “First Day of School” pictures: Pre K, Kindergarten, 3rd grade and even seniors. I love it! I love seeing them on social media, and I even love the parents who have been doing it long enough they have pictures to compare.

That said, I also hate it. Posed pictures don’t always work well for my kiddo. And mornings… they stink! (I feel like I’m getting a teenager out of bed) And the first day of school brings anxiety, stress, new routines and did I mention anxiety?

I’d like to blame it all on my son’s special needs and how “hard” it makes things , but I can’t. I’m a teacher, and first day of school for me is plenty nerve racking on its own. My job is to love, care for, build relationships with and teach kids. More specifically, middle school kids. (Insert your own version of, “Bless your heart.”) I’ve spent hours preparing for my students, setting up my classroom, attending trainings, all while trying to balance that with back to school shopping, creating new visual schedules, going over new routines, and reading “My First Day of School” books for my son.

If life is about balance, then Back to School is like walking a high wire while juggling.

This year, as I planned for my own classroom and students, I slipped away from a training to attend a staffing for my son. I wanted his new teacher to be fully prepared to meet his unique needs. Most of all, I wanted her to know how amazing he is. I left the meeting knowing he had plenty of support and caring teachers.

Tip: if you can meet with your child’s teacher BEFORE school starts, do it! I find that teachers appreciate parent support and involvement. You know your kid best. When passing the torch, it’s good if they know your concerns, and any suggestions you have. I had a parent of one of my students do this, and was the BEST start for an Autistic kiddo I’ve ever had. I knew what worked best for him and most importantly his interests.

On the first day of school, my son’s first day of Kindergarten, we entered a busy school building bustling with parents, teachers and students. The noise, the newness was overwhelming. My son stood still not wanting to go any farther. I left him with his teacher, kissed him goodbye, and I didn’t cry. I trusted in his teacher and her ability to do her job. The day would be hard on him, but hard is a part of life.  (Please note: I cried every day for the first week of Pre-K.)

But I never took a picture.

I never got him to hold a cute sign, stand in front of the school, nor did I even try. I just hurried away to make it to my own classroom in time.

As my day went on, I watched the clock unable to remember the names of my 138 new students. (I have 4 Isabelle’s in one class period! I can’t even!) My mind wandered to thoughts of my son and how he was doing. None the less, he arrived at my school after riding the bus. He was tired, didn’t say much, but seemed okay.

I could have done a “we survived” picture, but it took all my effort to just get home. I basically just forgot. My feet hurt, and as usual, I was loosing my voice from all the talking.

Each day was similarly hard. Eventually, drop offs got easier.

On Wednesday, we had a full on meltdown after school. He cried. I cried. It was messy.

But by Thursday, he finally mentioned school. Well, building a volcano out of wood chips at the playground.

By Friday we gathered as a family, crashed on the couch with take out and a movie.

But still, no pictures.

You see, relationships with teachers, with school, take time to build. And for some they take a little more effort. I may not have a great first day picture, but I know I’ll have an amazing last day of school picture.

When I see last year’s end of Pre-K picture, the one where he was hugging and smiling with his teacher and teaching aide, I have hope.

He isn’t excited about school, he would rather be at home, but by the end of the year, he won’t want to leave.

As for me, I gained 138 new kids this year. They already have my heart. I’ve learned two thirds of their names, but ALL of their faces. We decided on nick names for that Isabelle class. And my feet don’t hurt as much. I look forward into settling into routine, and coming down from this high wire act.

Two weeks later, life settled down. The routine became predictable. He told me about recess, how LOUD gym class is, and how funny his music teacher is. He peacefully walked down the hallway of my school, asking me to take pictures of him spinning.

Right then, we got our “Back to School” picture.

To all those families with special needs, those to whom back to school takes more effort, stay strong. You got this!

When you have moments that are less than Pinterest picture perfect, hold tight to your  joy, and love the life you have.

Welcome to Voices of Special Needs Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from special needs bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about having a special needs kiddo — from Sensory Processing Disorder to ADHD, from Autism to Dyslexia! Want to join in on next month’s Voices of Special Needs Hop? Click here!

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