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This isn’t a “mom” blog. It isn’t a “religious” blog either. It’s not a “how-to” article, a “10 ways to know that..” or a recipe box. I’m not selling anything or judging anyone. This blog won’t win a teacher of the year award. It won’t solve all your dinner time problems. This blog is mostly for me. It is the outward expression of my inward monologue. Read More

Writing an email to your child’s teacher: Conquering emotion and being effective

How do you write an email to your child’s teacher? Seems simple enough, right? Just type up your thoughts and hit send. But you might be surprised at the handful of oddly worded, grumpy, or just plain mean emails even an amazing teacher, ehem.. like myself, might receive.

I feel I have a unique perspective on the matter: I have been teaching for the last 7 years and I have a child who recently started attending school and has unique needs. In reality, parent-teacher communication is a part of my daily life, on both sides of the fence. While I will be the first to admit that I am not an expert, I do have a few thoughts on the matter.

As a Teacher

Awhile back, I received and email that started out with “Don’t you realize….” and proceeded with a large list of complaints that ended with a demand.

Here is the context: I received this email on my phone. I saw it pop up on my phone at 7:30am as I was walking my own child to his classroom to start his day. I was immediately flustered, and fought the urge to view it right then. Instead, I focused on my kiddo’s normal routine, rushed to my school to be “on duty” and then start my first period class. But with three simple words, a parent immediately set me on the defensive, regardless of the content that followed. As I read the email, I realized they had read my last email wrong. I send out weekly emails to all my classes. I wanted to be snippy and reply “Do you realize this email was intended for ALL of my 130 students and their parents as a reminder of their homework” but I took a breath, held my tongue, and decided to type a point by point response on my planning period.

Less than an hour later, the head of one department politely interrupted my class. She had received a phone call from a parent. “Had I responded to their email yet?” “No”, I replied, “I’ve been teaching all morning.” It’s rather embarrassing to have a parent “go over your head.” In the end, I typed my response, the parent seemed satisfied, and the student’s needs were being met. But I did spend the majority of the morning rather tense.

Truth: Teachers have feelings and we take our job seriously. And we honestly love your kid, even when they are tough. – I lose sleep worrying about your child. I feel deeply. My job often interrupts my personal life.

As a teacher, I try to remember this:

That child is the center of that parent’s universe. The fact they contacted you means they care, even if they reacted out of emotion. They are their child’s advocate and safety net. It’s a big job and it’s tough. (These words were on repeat in my head as I read and re-read that particular email)
Be both professional and sensitive when you choose your words. The behaviors and struggles you see with that child, are often worse and harder at home. (This was actually advice a teacher gave me when I first started teaching, and has proven time an again to be true)

Flip side – As a Parent

I email my son’s teacher on a weekly basis. But, a few weeks ago, he went from doing really well to three epic meltdowns in three days. One was bad enough they called my husband, who happens to be the primary contact since he can actually answer his phone and leave work during the day. By the third day, I wanted to scream, “What’s wrong! What changed! Why is my little boy so angry!” Instead, I took a deep breath and thought back to how I wished more parents would respond to me.

I structured a response using a few guidelines I set for myself:

Don’t take an accusatory tone. Placing blame won’t solve anything and immediately places a teacher on the defensive. Just say what happened.
Let them know what you noticed and ask them what they suggest as solutions. Remember: You are the expert on your child but they are the expert in the classroom. Feel free to offer suggestions, but sometimes what works at home is hard to adapt to the classroom environment.
End or begin each email with some form of gratitude or appreciation. Most teachers are trying their absolute best even on a rough day.
I have a friend, who posts on her social media all the amazing things that her child’s teacher does to meet his individualized needs. Yes! Your teacher would love you to brag on them when they go above and beyond, not just gripe when we mess up.
After your email is sent, allow processing time. Our district asks us to respond to parent emails within 24 hours. I’m sure other’s have similar rules. Don’t expect an immediate response, even though you might get it. The teacher is in a classroom full of students. We rarely have time to use the restroom, except on our designated planning period. If it’s that urgent: call the teacher. And don’t go over their head until you have given them time to respond.

So, my email looked something like this:

Thank you for keeping us updated and handling the meltdowns this week. Since he had three meltdowns in a row this week and none last week, I’m not sure what is different. I noticed, each day he had meltdown, he didn’t each his lunch. Is he eating the school snack? At home, his meltdowns are worse when he doesn’t eat much. Could this be a factor? What could we do about it?

We actually had about three emails back and forth, but in the end the teacher suggested he take a sensory break before lunch. And it helped. Problem solved… until the next one arises.
In the end, I’m glad to be working for a district whose motto is “To love every child.” I’m doing my best to follow that in my classroom. In return, my hope is that my child will be loved and cared for by his teachers. After all, It takes a village!

Welcome to the Sensory Blog Hop — a monthly gathering of posts from sensory bloggers hosted by The Sensory Spectrum and The Jenny Evolution. Click on the links below to read stories from other bloggers about what it’s like to have Sensory Processing Disorder and to raise a sensory kiddo! Want to join in on next month’s Sensory Blog Hop? Click here!

An InLinkz Link-up

Patience is a Virtue

Okay I hear that a lot. I get told I have plenty of patience. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m a middle school teacher or because I have a unique 4 year old. Either way, it got me thinking.

I don’t think I have a plethora of patience. In fact, I get annoyed, angry and irritated with the best of them.
I once had someone tell me I was the perfect parent for my son. That God knew I could handle it. (Insert laughter) It was very sweet, and perhaps even true. I do think he is the best, funniest, quirkiest kid ever. However, I’m biased. But was he born to me simply because I was blessed with patience? Because I could handle the tough moments?

You ever hear the saying that if you pray for patience that God gives you a situation that requires a NEED for patience. It’s a funny saying, but I can’t recall actually seeing that in the Bible.
And then there is the “God won’t give you more than you can handle” quote. If that were true, only good, strong people would be put in tough situations. And that doesn’t seem fair. If that were true, the blame falls on me when I feel overwhelmed, when I can’t handle it. Depression, loss, grief, become things we should be able to handle. Otherwise, are we not failing God? He thought we could “handle” it. This is simply not true. We are human, we have limits, we can be broken.

The other weekend, I was taking a nap. I had a slight fever and my husband offered to play with our son, X, and let me sleep. I was in and out, but I remember waking to hear them playing with Legos. X literally said the same line, “Can I put the block here” repeatedly for 30 plus times with only a slight variation. My husband replied calmly, tried to engage in actual conversation, and just played with him. We joke that he gets “stuck on repeat” sometimes. They played for two hours. Sometimes it’s precious, and for a moment I think, “Yes, we do have a lot of patience.”

Other times it’s annoying. Like when we are trying to load up into the car and I answer the same question over, and over, and over. And there are plenty more times when our response is where beauty shines through.

We are not patient because we are born that way.

We are not patient because we are excellent parents.

We are not patient because we are good people.

We are patient because we have learned to be.

We are patient because we love our child.

We are patient because we love our God.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We get overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed, and angry. There are times when it is too much. When our situation becomes too much for us to handle. That is our humanity.

That’s is when we need others.

That’s is when we need God.

That’s is when we need love.

Love is our calling to be more like God, more like Christ himself. Despite our situation. In comfort or hardship.
Love, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control … These are what we hope to achieve. What we are continually striving for.

Patience isn’t so much a virtue, or gift, but rather a skill that must be learned and practiced. At its very best, it is a quality that reflects the very nature and heart of God himself.

But I swear… I wasn’t just born this way!

Simple acts of kindness

I said I wasn’t going to write this week. I had plenty to do: meals to plan, classroom to set up, lessons to write, not to mention getting X ready for school. So why have I set put text on the screen? Well, my heart is bursting with the overwhelming kindness of others, mostly from strangers.

Let me begin, last week I set aside time to get a hair cut. I went to my normal lady, made a few jokes about not visiting in awhile, and chatted with the other customer. My hairdresser is a mom at our school and has helped with our PTO. We chatted about school and I asked how her daughter was doing. I made a few jokes about how crazy and sweet middle schoolers can be. In the end, I went to pay and was told it was taken care of. Seriously, I thought?!? How?!? I found out the other customer had covered the cost. She wanted to tell me thank you for everything I do for our students and community. I was both shocked and blessed by her thoughtfulness. A simple act of kindness.

The next day X needed his final shot to attend Pre-K this year. I had to go to HEB to get it, not our regular doctor’s office. As I waited and filled out paperwork, X begged me to read him a book. I told him as soon as I finished filling it out, I would. Next to me was an older woman waiting on a prescription to be filled. She offered to read to him. Surprisingly, X stood next to her and hung on her every word. I finished my paperwork, turned it in, and gazed at the simple act of helping another human out. I’m sure she enjoyed it too. Of course, getting the shot was stressful and painful, and X didn’t like it either. Because of one woman’s simple gesture, waiting was enjoyable. A simple act of kindness.

A few days later, I went to Target to get a birthday gift and take X to a friend’s party. I stood waiting by the family bathroom. I was going to attempt taking X in. A big deal for a kid with a fear of bathrooms. My stress level was high. A lady walked by and simply said, “You look beautiful.” I needed that. My little baby bump feels more like a mountain, my clothes don’t fit, and I’m having trouble lifting my own 4 year old. I don’t feel beautiful, it feels like a struggle with my own body. One simple compliment, and my stress level went down. And believe it or not, X walked into the family bathroom and I was able to pee at a public facility without assistance in, well, forever. And I’m pretty sure I’ll wear that same dress again. All from a simple act of kindness.

Then last night, after a long day of meetings, I come home to an Amazon package. Not a big deal, I mean, I overuse my free two day shipping to avoid going to the store. When I opened it, instead of a necessity there was a colorful pen pack and a note: “Here are a few things to start the school year off with… From a friend.” Another simple act of kindness.

Simple acts of kindness. In a wide variety. They ranged from costing nothing to $20 dollars. I sometimes think we are waiting on a President, a principal, or a church leader, to fix our broken world, yet we forget how much of a difference “Love your neighbor” will do.
My Bible study for the week is over Philippians 4. I’ve focused on this verse because I’ve been feeling especially weak.

“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

http://bible.com/116/php.4.12-13.nlt

But after a week of struggles that were enhanced by numerous blessings and kindnesses, I realized I had skipped over this verse:

“Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

http://bible.com/116/php.4.5.nlt

I encourage you, and myself, to be considerate, to show kindness, and to love your neighbor. A simple word or gesture might change the course of their week, and bring back a little faith in humanity.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.

Mother Teresa

Goodbye Summer

This happens every summer. Or at least every summer in the past few years. It hits me, all at once, that my summer wasn’t very productive. I try, grasping at straws, to finish projects and do something noteworthy.

What will I tell my coworkers I did all summer? No real vacation. Only a few date nights/overnight trips. Mostly laundry, dishes, meal prep, and cleaning. No huge accomplishments. No trips to Africa. No volunteer work, well besides local churchy stuff. No huge childhood milestones. Only doctors visits, vaccinations, dentist appointments, lazy mornings, sensory play, babysitting for family, book reading, morning snuggles, attempts at potty training and similar adventures. And my personal to-do list, well, I barely put a dent in it.

Then I thought to myself, what am I trying to accomplish? What is my real purpose? What makes the biggest impact?

When you ask “What did I do this summer?” I will respond, “I loved my family. I’ll hold onto memories of sweet smiles and morning snuggles. I worked on having well rested soul and a well loved child.” That’s what I did.

Good bye, summer. Productivity is overrated.

On a similar note, this line of thinking makes me want to read this book: Present over Perfect.

B2SB… More than just a backpack

Back to School Blast (B2SB)

Last year, I volunteered at Back to School Blast and helped hand out fully loaded backpacks to students who needed them. My church spearheaded this idea, and has since been joined by several other churches and sponsors. It’s a big deal!

What I loved was the joy and almost party feel. Yes, there were long lines, but it felt like a celebration. More like Christmas. Not like charity. If you had a need, you showed up. No need to bring proof of income or prove your neediness. You need it, just come. And we will join you.

I’m a teacher, so I immediately noticed the joy in the elementary kids. “My own pencils! You mean I don’t have to share? I get to pick the color of the backpack!?! Pick out new shoes?!?”

The middle and high schoolers hang back. Their excitement is less noticeable. After all, they are hiding it. I mean, they assume everyone is looking at them. But once the get a volunteer’s gentle smile or encouragement they light up. You might even see a smile or get a hug. If not, it’s not because they don’t want to. They just have to play it cool.

These backpacks aren’t just a handout. They are a choice. They are support and empowerment to be productive in school. To not start out behind. To not be the kid that never bring supplies, and sits quietly, waiting for someone to notice.

We live I in a great district. I know plenty of teachers, who year after year, buy supplies for the kids who show up with nothing. It’s done discreetly, they spend their own money, and they get no applause.

Last year was the first year, since working in private school, I didn’t blow my budget buying supplies. The overwhelming majority of my students showed up with stuff. They joyfully pulled out their own pencils and papers. I noticed the brands that came from the B2SB. I was so glad to see it.

Of course, there is the kid who shows up without supplies. Perhaps, his parents didn’t hear about it or couldn’t make the event. Luckily, their were a few leftover supplies B2SB left in the front office at our school. Each teacher was given a small stash to start the year off with. And extra backpacks were in the office. When I saw a need, I was able to do something for a student.

As a teacher, I felt loved. Loved by my church, brothers and sisters in Christ, and by my community. It felt good. Too often teachers feel blamed, for poor student performance, testing, and other things completely out of our control. Rarely, do others realize the money we spend of effort we put in, and that’s okay. However, it was nice to know each one of my students, regardless of their situation, got to start off on the right foot. For them to feel loved, cared about, and valuable.

So when you volunteer or donate to B2SB, you are doing more than giving a kid a backpack, you are displaying the importance of an education and loving your neighbor at the same time.

…
Of course, by March, all my pencils were lost, they were out of paper, glue sticks were used up, and spirals had been left on busses. I think this is why elementary teachers collect supplies. I tell ya, middle schoolers are just unorganized messes! I fit right in. At that point I bought more, used personal money and whatever small department supplies we had. But by golly we made it to March!

Be sure to join in! Join with your community. Even if your town doesn’t have a similar program you can still meet student’s needs. Bring an extra box of pencils or a few extra supplies to your child’s teacher. Do whatever you can, when you can.

Remember the tough times…

I don’t know if it’s the excess of school supply displays or the training I attended last week, but I have been thinking a lot about back to school.

For me, it’s a mix of excitement and dread. Why, you might ask? Do you hate your job?

The short answer is no, I don’t hate my job, but I remember the tough times. (And I really like wearing pajamas and drinking coffee on my porch!)

My mid February meltdown

(originally written on 2.23.16)

February is said to be one of the toughest months for behavior in middle school.

It’s rather rough on English teachers too. One word: TELPAS. “Texas English Language Proficiency Assessment System (TELPAS) to assess the progress that limited English proficient (LEP) students make in learning the English language.” -TEA’s website.

My current week:

30 students (of 150) are missing a reading homework assignment.

20 students needed to finish a test or other assignment.

30+ TELPAS writing samples to plan and collect.

2 students haven’t read a single. Book. All. Year.

1 student is acting like he is given up on school completely and wants to go back to our alternative campus.

One student called me a nasty name.

They. Won’t. Stop. Talking.

So, I emailed all 30 parents.

So, I handed out advisory passes.

So, I called parents and set up tutorials. I stayed late and arrived early.

So, I held on tightly to the student pushing away.

So, I attended a 1 hour parent conference and got home really late.

So, I designed lessons to let them talk productively and set high expectations.
But I still broke down crying twice this week after school.

But I still contemplated quitting or changing professions.

One girl came ticked off and trying to push my buttons. I stayed late to work with her and she left her book at home. She argued. She made excuses.

I pushed and she read in her book each night. By the end of the week, she high fived me and exclaimed, “I finished my book!”

Another Boy showed up early each morning this week, book in hand. And despite his mom taking his phone away, (my fault, of course) still managed a smile.

By the end of the week he had read two books and completed the assigned homework.

The boy I told you about, the one trying to push away, he might just be my favorite kid.

I don’t hate my job; I love it.

I just can’t ever do enough – There is always more to do – I always fall short – I won’t be teacher of the year – I work best with the broken.

My victories can’t be easily measured. But when they happen, they will be celebrated. It’s the end of the week, and I’m headed home.

–

Then, you start a new year. Oh for the love of school supplies! New kids. Fresh starts. New challenges, but even better… New victories.

It’s a love/hate relationship. But I wouldn’t show up if the love part didn’t out weigh that hate.

Yet, I still think Walmart starts selling school supplies over a month early just to make me cringe!!!

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